Post by nellie on Jul 9, 2008 13:02:09 GMT -5
Nellie's mother had asked her several times why she'd been so quiet of late. Of course, Nellie hadn't told her mother about Mush Meyers yet, figuring something like that was best left unsaid for the time being, or even for longer than that. But Mush, Nellie thought, was the main reason behind her happiness. The cause of her sudden silence and melancholy demeanor remained a mystery, even to her. Finally, Mrs. Lope became so frustrated that she sent her daughter out of the house for a walk to "clear her head". Nellie, finding little she could do at their little Bronx tenement, obeyed.
Their tenement building wasn't a far walk from the river, and because it was just early evening, Nellie considered how nice the river would look from one of the docks. She found herself walking in that direction, her footsteps slow and automatic. She was thinking hard as she walked, her eyes slightly glazed over, evidence that her mind was far away. She was asking herself why, indeed, she had found herself in this constant back-and-forth between giddiness (whenever she got a chance to see or think of Mush) and this strange quiet that would befall her whenever she let her mind wander too far.
Her days had been the same as they had always been. She would go school, then come to the distribution center to sell papers, trying to avoid the looks of the Bronx boys who called her a scab because she wasn't like them, and also trying to ignore the fact that none of the girls talked to her. She got her selling done as quickly as she could, and took her meager wages back home, where her mother wouldn't arrive home from her own taxing job until sometimes very late in the evening. Every day had been essentially the same, and even the occasional visit from Mush wasn't enough to break the monotony. She felt as if there had to be something more she could do with her life...
"Beyond"..."Beyond"...
Was there more to see outside of her boring life? She recalled what things were like when she was a child, living with both her parents and brothers. That was a slice of another life, a terrible one full of fear, one that she never wanted to go back to. But the life she had now, she felt as if it was no better. She had fear in this life, too, the constant fear that she wasn't accepted and she never would be. There had to be something else! Something else she should be doing, having, seeing, living...
It sounds full of wind and mist, doesn't it?
It means something else exists, doesn't it?
"Beyond"..."Beyond'...
It says "Adam, leave your list", doesn't it?
Not only was her life in a rut, Nellie realized as she reached the river, but she hated the rut it was in. She was far more interested in what could be than what was. She didn't know exactly where that sense of imagination came from - not her mother, who took things as they came and never questioned why or how. Her father? She wasn't sure. But something made her question, and even hope. There was a feeling that made her desire to leave whatever tidy little schedule she had created for herself and do something else. Something different...
Father, why does my head
Feel this joy and this dread,
Since the moment I said, "Beyond?"
She reached the docks and stopped on the edge. The surrounding area was quiet, save for the sound of the river running and the breeze that came off the ocean not too far away. Nellie glanced skyward and was pleased to see the sky was nearly cloudless, revealing a spectacle of stars and a blazing white half moon. She had never looked at the stars this closely before, but now she couldn't take her eyes off them. She took a seat on the edge of the docks, her feet dangling a few inches above the surface of the water. The dim, yet fervent light of the stars fascinated her.
A bit of the fire
That lit up the stars...
She lay herself down on the dock, her hands folded on her stomach, eyes still searching the skies. She continued her meditation, and came to the obvious conclusion that she had been out of sorts because she was so sure what the next day would bring...and she didn't like it. She needed more than what she was being given: a mediocre life with her absentee mother in a crummy tenement, with a low-wage job shared with people who hated her because she had something they didn't. And if she wasn't going to be given her chance, then she would have to take it.
...The first inspiration...
The spark of creation.
How? She didn't know. All she was sure of was that she couldn't be a newsgirl any longer. She couldn't stand the stares of the others, looking at her as if she was an outsider, trying to get in and penetrate whatever defenses the other newsies had put up for themselves. Bronx boys were almost as tough as Brooklyn boys, she knew, and they didn't take kindly to outsiders and scabbers. She had the feeling they saw her as both, and she couldn't stand it. Nellie needed to be her own, and not try to fit in to someone else's idea of who she should be.
Where there was nothing,
Let there be something --
Something made by me!
She was sixteen now, old enough to work in a real job. She had no real talents or abilities, but she had passions, and that was enough for anything. She could look around the area and try to find some kind of employment, staying out of the factories if she could. But if the sweatshops were all that would take a young girl with no work experience or trade knowledge, let it be so. She would take anything, the need for change was so strong.
We think all we want
Is a lifetime of leisure,
Each perfect day the same
Endless vacation...
But when you're born with an imagination,
Sooner or later, you're feeling the fire
Get hotter and higher...
The spark of creation!
Their tenement building wasn't a far walk from the river, and because it was just early evening, Nellie considered how nice the river would look from one of the docks. She found herself walking in that direction, her footsteps slow and automatic. She was thinking hard as she walked, her eyes slightly glazed over, evidence that her mind was far away. She was asking herself why, indeed, she had found herself in this constant back-and-forth between giddiness (whenever she got a chance to see or think of Mush) and this strange quiet that would befall her whenever she let her mind wander too far.
Her days had been the same as they had always been. She would go school, then come to the distribution center to sell papers, trying to avoid the looks of the Bronx boys who called her a scab because she wasn't like them, and also trying to ignore the fact that none of the girls talked to her. She got her selling done as quickly as she could, and took her meager wages back home, where her mother wouldn't arrive home from her own taxing job until sometimes very late in the evening. Every day had been essentially the same, and even the occasional visit from Mush wasn't enough to break the monotony. She felt as if there had to be something more she could do with her life...
"Beyond"..."Beyond"...
Was there more to see outside of her boring life? She recalled what things were like when she was a child, living with both her parents and brothers. That was a slice of another life, a terrible one full of fear, one that she never wanted to go back to. But the life she had now, she felt as if it was no better. She had fear in this life, too, the constant fear that she wasn't accepted and she never would be. There had to be something else! Something else she should be doing, having, seeing, living...
It sounds full of wind and mist, doesn't it?
It means something else exists, doesn't it?
"Beyond"..."Beyond'...
It says "Adam, leave your list", doesn't it?
Not only was her life in a rut, Nellie realized as she reached the river, but she hated the rut it was in. She was far more interested in what could be than what was. She didn't know exactly where that sense of imagination came from - not her mother, who took things as they came and never questioned why or how. Her father? She wasn't sure. But something made her question, and even hope. There was a feeling that made her desire to leave whatever tidy little schedule she had created for herself and do something else. Something different...
Father, why does my head
Feel this joy and this dread,
Since the moment I said, "Beyond?"
She reached the docks and stopped on the edge. The surrounding area was quiet, save for the sound of the river running and the breeze that came off the ocean not too far away. Nellie glanced skyward and was pleased to see the sky was nearly cloudless, revealing a spectacle of stars and a blazing white half moon. She had never looked at the stars this closely before, but now she couldn't take her eyes off them. She took a seat on the edge of the docks, her feet dangling a few inches above the surface of the water. The dim, yet fervent light of the stars fascinated her.
A bit of the fire
That lit up the stars...
She lay herself down on the dock, her hands folded on her stomach, eyes still searching the skies. She continued her meditation, and came to the obvious conclusion that she had been out of sorts because she was so sure what the next day would bring...and she didn't like it. She needed more than what she was being given: a mediocre life with her absentee mother in a crummy tenement, with a low-wage job shared with people who hated her because she had something they didn't. And if she wasn't going to be given her chance, then she would have to take it.
...The first inspiration...
The spark of creation.
How? She didn't know. All she was sure of was that she couldn't be a newsgirl any longer. She couldn't stand the stares of the others, looking at her as if she was an outsider, trying to get in and penetrate whatever defenses the other newsies had put up for themselves. Bronx boys were almost as tough as Brooklyn boys, she knew, and they didn't take kindly to outsiders and scabbers. She had the feeling they saw her as both, and she couldn't stand it. Nellie needed to be her own, and not try to fit in to someone else's idea of who she should be.
Where there was nothing,
Let there be something --
Something made by me!
She was sixteen now, old enough to work in a real job. She had no real talents or abilities, but she had passions, and that was enough for anything. She could look around the area and try to find some kind of employment, staying out of the factories if she could. But if the sweatshops were all that would take a young girl with no work experience or trade knowledge, let it be so. She would take anything, the need for change was so strong.
We think all we want
Is a lifetime of leisure,
Each perfect day the same
Endless vacation...
But when you're born with an imagination,
Sooner or later, you're feeling the fire
Get hotter and higher...
The spark of creation!
